Yet another annoying sale ad.

HORSE NAME: CREAM BLAZE BREED: QUARTER HORSE (REG) COLOR: PALOMINO GENDER: GELDING THIS HORSE IS A BEAUTIFULL LIGHT COLORED PALOMINO,HE IS AN ATHLETE BUIL FOR SPEED,WOULD MAKE AN EXCELLENT BARREL PROSPECT OR ROPE HORSE.HE TURN AND STOP GREAT ,HE HAS DASH FOR CASH AND EASY JET ON HIS PAPER.HE ALSO GREAT ON TRAILS HE HAS PAST OUR TEST NOT FOR A BEGINNER RIDER,NEED SOMEONE WITH SOME EXPERIENCE. HE IS NOT A BAD HORSE JUST VERY QUICK. ASKING PRICE: $1800

As if they think no one can read the details they filled out on Equinehits. And the caps lock. And the bear-like man sitting on the horse like a rank beginner. I hope that's not his usual riding position. Their website is... well, obnoxious.


Nothing like showing off a sales horse by standing up on his back while he's in the pasture with at least one other loose horse. All I think about when I look at pictures like this is how much of a moron the seller is. Not how patient or quiet the horse is.

You know how people like that try to tell you that vaulters do the same thing and nobody bashes them for standing on horses' backs? That's a bunch of bullpoop because there are several differences between vaulters and backyard nincompoops who think it's kewl to stand on horse's backs.

Number one, vaulting horses are massive. Usually some kind of draft or draft cross.

Two, they have a vaulting pad to cushion their backs.

And three, vaulters are stick-skinny. They're light as a feather compared to the above individual who looks suspiciously like a steroid-loving beefhead. That and the fact that said beefhead is being an ass and standing right on the poor horse's kidneys. These guys would be classified as dickweeds. Definitely.

New blog!

Yep. I've finally made the What Not To Wear Blog that I've been wanting to do for a long time.

Check it out if you have time. I think you guys will like it (or at least have a good laugh. Either way, as long as you're amused). I'm in the process of making a banner.

Silly hunters, shows are for good riders!

As you know, I ride huntseat and soon to be hunter/jumper. And I'm really starting to question whether or not I want to be involved in this discipline, simply because of the majority of the people involved in it. Especially in the schooling shows. It's all just bratty little whiners who have mommy and daddy to buy them $50,000 ponies when they can't even ride.

I was at a hunter show a few years back and my mom got talking to a horse show dad. He was telling her how his daughter just upgraded from her pony and her new horse was imported from Belgium. O_o Cha-ching. $$$

This photograph was taken at a very prestigious show barn in my area, and I am appalled. Someone has a major ducking problem.

Notice the rider laying across the horse's neck and her ass sticking out in the air. And she's looking down as if to say, "What a lovely fence. Looks like cedar, doesn't it, Breezie?"

Now, a lot of the photos are actually very impressive. But the ones that aren't are just as glorified as the good ones. The picture above is what people today consider "great riding". Even in equitation classes.

Click for larger view. It's enough to make your eyeballs bleed. The caption for this one is, "OMG this new mane conditioner smells sooo perdy!"

Y'know, I'd be willing to bet money that 90% of these riders have ridden nothing but schoolmasters their entire lives. If you put them up on a less-than-perfectly-schooled horse, they would not know what to do. That's why they get away with their scary equitation. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not that great of a rider, and I would scarcely even qualify as a "decent" or "pretty" rider for that matter. But you will never see me flopping through courses or doing anything else that's above my level and I would certainly never go to shows looking like that. And I don't have a good ole' schooling horse to take lessons on. I'm stuck with my knuckleheaded (but lovable) lunatic who thinks trot poles bite. I'm sure most of you can relate at least a little bit.

This is a direct shout out to all the hunters in the world:

STOP LOOKING DOWN AT THE FENCE YOU'RE GOING OVER. STOPIT STOPIT STOPIT. KTHANXBAI.

And on a side note, if you can pull off an automatic release, good for you. But you do not have to reach for the horse's elbows. You will look like a moron (i.e., the ass sticking out again). Mkay? So don't exaggerate it.

I know not all hunters ride like this, but enough of them do to make the rest of us look bad.

This one's the same horse and rider. So you know the last one wasn't just a bad moment. Gorgeous horse, but don't you just wanna crack the rider over the head with a two-by-four? I'm going to have an aneurysm one of these days from looking at all these riders.

What is with the ducking and looking down. Seriously. How are you going to plan the next fence? For those of you who ride English (and probably western, too), I bet your instructors are constantly shouting, "EYES UP! Where's the next jump?!" Eyes are extremely important. And I'm sure many of your instructors would be dragging you off the horse by your shirt collars if they caught you staring down at every fence you jumped. The thing is, it's really not that hard to fix. It's a bad habit, not something more complex like having something wrong with your seat. You just keep reminding yourself to keep your eyes up, and eventually it'll be second nature. But you have to keep your eyes up or your seat won't do any good because the horse won't know where to go. It's like a domino effect.

I also think people are confused about what makes someone a good rider. The truth is (and I've said it before), it's not what you do, it's how well you do it. A person that can clear a 12' cross rail with perfect form is a better rider than someone who can launch over a 5" oxer with chicken wings and a floppy seat.

Hear that, hunters? No matter what you jump, you are only impressive if you do it right. If you don't, you look like a total dickweed. That means you need to be solid in one level before moving on to more advanced things.

That goes out to parents and instructors, too. Do not put a kid on a horse that he or she can't control, and do NOT make that kid do things that are way above their skill level. Take it slow. Make sure you do it right. OK? OK.

Folks, we have a new winner.

I thought TWH bits were as nasty as they come. But I think this monstrosity takes the cake. Click for a larger view.

What. The fuck. Is that. Look at the mouthpiece on that motherfucker.

This thing makes it a cinch to slice your horse's mouth to ribbons. It's called a Large Screw Offset D-Ring Snaffle.

Anyone who would use this on a horse needs to have this bit shoved into their mouth while someone yanks and saws away on the reins.

It looks a lot like something Cleve Wells would invent.


This one isn't much better. A bike chain mouthpiece on a gag. Again, you could shred your horse's mouth with one pinkie finger.

It's called a Showman Stainless Steel Wonder Bit.

Yeah, I bet it keeps a horse's face cranked in whether they want to or not. Awesome.

I cannot even imagine how fucked up you'd have to be to use one of these. It's probably people with the mentality of Big Lick Dickheads who don't give two shits about the well being of their horses. People are unbelievable.