Get off and carry the horse yourself, fatass.

I have a major problem with people who ride horses that are too small for them. I saw this chick on TV, who obviously wasn't a horseperson, sitting on a small, maybe 15hh horse. This chick was big. Like, 250-300 pounds big. Is it any wonder why the horse kicked her off? This aggravates me to no end. First of all, how the hell do you ride when you're that big? Second of all, she looked like a manatee sitting on one of those plastic, toddler-sized rocking horses. Jeezus.

Full sized adults should never ever ride a mini horse. Ever. That's just wrong. Not even kids. The only human being that should ever be on a mini's back would be a 20 pound child going for a pony ride. I hate it when people think it's funny to hop on a Shetland pony. It's not funny. You're making an ass of yourself and I'll be laughing my ass off when the pony kicks your sorry hide into next week. You might as well just ride a Labrador Retriever. It's not like they're that much different in size.

Now some people believe that minis should never be ridden. I wouldn't go so far as to say that, but I definitely think they should never carry anything more than a really little child. They're great for halter and driving classes. If you're dying to do something with your mini, get a cart and start practicing! Not a hard concept.

Do you need an example of what is acceptable and what is not?
I don't have any issues with this picture. It's a good sized mini with a small kid. It looks proportionate. I don't think the horse has any problem carrying the rider.

Now this one is just plain disgusting. She's gonna need roller skates pretty soon. I bet she had to step down to get on him. Seriously, that broad is three times the size of the horse she's riding. It's not funny. It's not cute. You could end up hurting the poor horse with your over sized ass on his back. GET OFF. Get yourself a bigger horse. Or better yet, just don't get another horse. Keep your ass off of them altogether.

I HATE it when these idiots whip out the ol' "Ponies are stronger than horses" excuse. That does not mean it's ok to plop an adult onto a Shetland pony! What's the matter with you people? Why would you think it's fine to hop on a miniature horse and go for a cruise? Not a good horse to human ratio. Get off and carry the horse yourself, you dumb heifer.

And, for the riders of the larger variety, I sincerely hope you picked your mount well. Horses can safely carry about 20% of their body weight. Keep that in mind. Draft horses and draft crosses make lovely mounts. I would really recommend them if you're on the big side.

I have a few guidelines that I like to follow. And I think a lot of people I mentioned today would do well to take them into consideration.

1. Your horse's withers should ideally be up to your collarbone (not your knees). This can fluctuate with the rider's weight, and it doesn't have to be exact.

2. If the circumference of your waist is equal to or greater than your horse's girth, get the hell off and find yourself a bigger horse!

3. Remember the 20% rule. A 1000 lb horse can carry about 200 lbs. A 400 lb pony should carry no more than 80 lbs.

I'm letting you know in advance, if I see you on a mini horse, I will feed you to Norman.
I'm protecting the little horses. I can kill legally.

Danger lurks.