The show industry is in need of some modern pioneers.

If you've been to any kind of horse show, you've probably seen horses that resemble dolled up robots. Meaning, they seem to have no mind of their own and they have so much makeup and fake accessories that it makes you wonder if the horse would even be recognizable without them.

Tail extensions, overdone grease, shoes that are a size too small. And the more evasive things like tail blocking, gingering, wiring their mouths shut, drugging them, soring, pads, chains, and all other manners of torture that people come up with. And for what? A piece of plastic and maybe a little money? Come on.

As for me, I'm bringing back oldschool. You know, the good ol' days when pleasure horses actually had a pulse and fake tails hadn't been invented yet?

I braid Vic's tail into a dozen little braids the night before a show and take them all out and brush it before the class. It looks great, it adds volume, and I don't need any cheesy artificial enhancers. That's how my trainer did it, and her trainer before that. Tail extensions are hideous and unnecessary. Take some time to do it right. End of story.

Generally speaking, show horses are naturally beautiful. If you take the time to groom them to perfection and get them looking gorgeous, you do not need fake crap to get the judge's attention. Judges even favor natural horses. It's true. I've talked to many judges and most of them aren't fond of fake accesories.

And like I've said before, your attitude is everything. Even if your horse isn't the most over-the-top stunning example in the class, your attitude can win it for you. If you walk into that ring like you know what you're doing and present your horse in a way that screams "Look at us and give us first place because I worked for this and I am DAMN proud of my horse", you will get the judge's attention and you will stand out. This is what the industry needs. Exhibitors that win with nothing but skill, attitude, and a good horse. It would only take a few to make a difference. People would see that fake theatrics aren't what wins it, and they'd start to rethink it. The honest exhibitors could be the new trend setters, and it would actually be a good trend for a change.

Showing used to be about exhibiting your horse's natural beauty. Makeup does not enhance a horse's beauty, 1) because they're made perfect already and 2) it looks like absolute shit and gives the impression that you're trying to hide something or you're trying too hard or you're not confident in your horse. Or all of the above. Which is pretty sad.

Put a little effort and elbow grease into your horse instead of going the easy way around and buying fancy gadgets that look like shit. Your horse will thank you, and you will be a better all around exhibitor.

We have a little coony crisis.

A couple officers found a baby raccoon that allegedly fell off a two story roof. So, they brought him to my mom and I and now we have a little coony to take care of. If my username doesn't give it away, raccoons are one of my favorite animals. :)

He has a brain injury and the vet gave him a shot of steroids to help reduce the swelling. He's also on antibiotics and I'm giving him water every hour or so, along with kitten milk. He was bleeding from his right ear when we first got him and he's still really lethargic. But he purrs when I rub his tummy and he can swallow. He can move everything, too, so we know his spine is intact. The steroids should kick in soon, but it's touch and go for a while. If he doesn't respond within 24 hours, he's probably not going to. We're keeping our fingers crossed. Poor little guy.

This incident has brought to light another issue, however. We were calling a bunch of wildlife rehabilitators and none of them had any room for our little guy. One rescue has about a hundred raccoons that are due to be released right now. But there's a lot of opposition. People just want them all to be killed because "they're pests that get in the way".

What a horrible attitude. It's the same with just about any native wildlife around here. Rabbits, foxes, coyotes, you name it. People want them gone. It's disgusting. Take one look at that sweet little face and tell me how anyone can go out and shoot them. People with that mentality are nothing but soulless monsters. If you're not intelligent and caring enough to at least try to get along with the local critters, you have no business taking up space and oxygen. The critters were here long before people were and they have just as much - if not more - right to be here as we do.

Tell me, what makes an animal unworthy of being saved? What makes you so much more important? If you see an animal that needs help, what would possibly possess you to just walk away? That's just unthinkable. What if you were in the situation of our poor raccoon, and you had taken a bad fall and were seriously hurt? I bet it would be pretty horrible if everyone just said to do away with you because you were "in the way", or nobody cared. You know what? If you're ever in a situation like that, don't ever expect help from me if you have that view. Maybe I'll just shoot you and put you out of your misery, because you seem to think that's the right thing to do for a living being that's hurt.

I think it's our obligation to make room for these animals because we take so much from them and give little to nothing back. These morons think raccoons and rabbits are so overpopulated? Ha. Have they taken a look around recently? Look how overpopulated humans are. We crawl out the of woodwork like cockroaches, therefor we're taking land and resources that the animals need. It's our own fault that the wildlife has nowhere else to go, so it's our job to take care of them. Would it kill people to at least try to get along with the animals? It's not hard.

I measure intelligence by an individual's ability to adapt and live alongside other species, and by that criteria, raccoons and other critters are a lot more intelligent than most humans. It's disgusting how people in this area just want to do away with them. Those kinds of people can all get rabies and die. They do nothing but suck oxygen and have no heart or conscience. Society would be vastly improved without them.

As for right now, I'm really hoping the little coony pulls through. There's a perfect, safe place near my house to release him if he makes it. *keeps fingers crossed*

Found another one, dammit.

I really need to stop lurking the classifieds. This guy looks awesome. The back legs look a little camped out, but the rest of him is gorgeous. And he's got stunning color to boot. I hope he finds a fantastic home. =D

Am I cinvinced yet?

I do not need another Thoroughbred. I do not need another Thoroughbred. I do not need another Thoroughbred. I do not need another Thoroughbred.

Seriously. What a perfect horse. He's sooo handsome. It's a good thing he's a thousand miles away, because I'd steal him away in a heartbeat. Someone buy this horse and spoil him rotten for me.

Extremely obnoxious sale ad.

GO LQQK AT THE REST THEN COME BUY THE BEST & YOU WILL KNOW WHY OUR HORSES MAY BE A LITTLE HIGHER / CAUSE THERE BETTER !!! HER PEDIGREE LINK ---------------------------------------------------- http://www.allbreedpedigree.com/red+bucks+wendy ---------------WENDY IS REALLY GENTLE , WELL BRED MARE , IN FOAL TO ZANS TOUCHDOWN SON , FOR AN 2009 FOAL / SEE STALLIONS INFO ON OUR WEB SITE AT htt://www.sldavidsonfarms.com She has been ridden by all ages , she is a great trail horse now will lead or follow , she only plow reins at this time , but is coming along on her training Quite well , This mare is the kind , sweet type that will make a great lesson mare for many years to come , she is super easy to catch and puts her own head in halter or hackamore , doesn't move when getting in the saddle or out , We haven't used a bit on her she never need one. you can ride her bare back with just a lead rope a halter , Wendy loves being groomed and not bad about baths or her feet at all . This is one that want get children hurt . We have never tried her on cattle but she is bred to know what one is , She has been jumping 12" in hand . and lead over wood platforms , tarps etc.. We are a breeding training farm and She is truly a good one , We offer a 10 day money back Guarantee Contract on all horses we sale , try asking someone else for one . we also have a half sister to her that is sorrel and is just as gentle for 900.00 her name is HOLLYS SUPER JACKIE

Wow. Read that and tell me that didn't grind your gears. First with the annoying caps, them bragging about a horse that hasn't accomplished anything and never will, and has nothing to show for her supposedly great pedigree. She's ribby and wormy-looking on top of that, not to mention the lead rope that's dragging on the ground.

It just annoys me to no end the way they claim that their horses are the best. Oh, and did I mention they claim that that mare is brindle? Yep. What a laugh. Check out their other ads. It's pretty scary.

They move like that naturally? Bagh!

I'm sure you've heard WP people claim that the slow, pitter-patter gaits are completely natural and you can allegedly see them doing it out in the pasture on their own. Well, I've never seen a horse with no rider move like that (except in stock breed shows, which I won't even go into). This video is proof. You see the stallion running around his pasture like a normal horse at a normal speed (with his head up!), and then they show him under saddle and moving like a 35 year old cart horse with his nose down to his knees.

The WP gaits are not natural. They've taken natural gaits and ruined them. Show horses are supposed to embody the vision of a proud, strong, and alert horse, but WP horses don't convey any of those. The slow gaits are nothing but a hideous, tasteless trend. The whole point of WP is to show a horse that is a pleasure to ride, but these horses don't look very nice to ride at all.

In the last quarter of the video, it shows the lady riding him bareback and he's moving with a lot more energy. So he can move normally. Plus it looked a lot better to ride. Notice also that there were of couple of HUS pics, and the horse had the same frame as a western horse and the rider had the reins draping. That should never be acceptable in an English discipline. It's bad enough that western horses are so messed up. English horses (and horses in general) are suppsed to have elasticity and freedom of movement, and you see none of that in the HUS ring. And, like WP, it didn't start out like that. It's all a trend. As obsessed as equestrians are with tradition, you'd think we'd want to go back to the way things were, when the horses were actually not stick-legged robots.

I thought I'd seen all the crap NH has to offer.

But Deb Bennet's Horse Training Commandments has just proved me wrong. To me, the list sounds like the writer's head is up in the clouds. There are some good points like the "Thou shalt learn to use the outside rein well" part, but some of it was just goofy.

Like the "Thou shalt not render thy horse's body hard". WTF? Fantastic muscle tone inhibits a horse's range of motion? I suppose that would be possible if it was like a QH stallion on steroids, but that's not going to happen realistically. Muscle supports the horse's structure, as do strong and conditioned tendons and ligaments. And working them strengthens their hearts for high level competing and whatnot. Keeping them fit and muscular throughout their lived is soo important. They tend to live and be healthier longer. They'll be in much better shape when they're old. You cannot put too much muscle on a horse, especially just by working them.

In fact, my trainer's old OTTB was absolutely massive. Just a freakin powerhouse. People always thought he was a QH. She was barrel racing him well into his 20's, and he only died because of colic at 29. Don't tell me having tons of muscle isn't good for a horse.

Maybe that's the excuse NH people use to explain why a lot of their horses aren't the fittest horses ever. They don't want to work them on a lunge line or anything because being super fit is bad for them. Is that right? It impedes their range of motion, right?

These Quarter Horses look totally stiff and uncomfortable, right? Yeah, cuz they have too much muscle. Shame on the owners for keeping them in such awesome condition. Yep. It really screws them up.

*headdesk*

Talk about an extavagant ad for a dime-a-dozen horse.

This mare is true royalty, and would be a rare diamond in the crown of any Arabian breeder. Gorgeous, sweet and affectionate Princess Aliahmah. Great- granddaughter of both the sensational half-brothers Shaikh Al Badi and The Egyptian Prince. Her grand-sires are the beautiful and talented Ruminaja Ali AND the amazing *Fol Yasmeen. Her pedigree runs back four hundred years to the very sands of the desert. What fantastic babies she would produce when bred to a stallion worthy of her bloodline. Expanded pedigree and more photos upon request.

This ad made me lol.

First of all, what Arabian's ancestry doesn't go back four hundred years? They're one of the oldest domesticated breeds out there. I would hope their pedigrees go back a few hundred years.
I thought she was going to start boasting that the horse went back to the Byerley Turk or something. That would have been the icing on the cake.

If your mare has such great breeding and is so amazing and would be the envy of all the Arabian breeders out there, wouldn't it make sense to get some good conformation shots of her when she's shed out? Nothing screams "I don't know what I'm doing" like a bunch of cruddy pasture shots. The ad says nothing about any show records or level of training, either. She doesn't even have a bridle path.

If this mare is all that they claim (which she is certainly not), she should be clipped or shed out, squared up, have a nice long bridle path, and maybe even be in a show halter. That's how you advertise a quality horse, and convey to potential buyers that you know what you're doing.

I don't know why they think they're going to get $8,000 for a dinky little Arab mare that hasn't accomplished shit and may not even be trained to ride. I just get the impression that the seller is a little loony. Oh, well.

If I wanted a horse with a skinny neck I would have gotten an Arab x Akhal Teke cross.

I understand that in many disciplines such as Western Pleasure, pencil necks are desirable. Why?

It looks disproportionate, unbalanced, and ugly, particularly on bulldog-like quarter horses. Stock breeds are generally muscle on top of muscle. Just massive. And then they have a skinny little neck. I don't see the appeal.

Where do you draw the line between a pencil neck and a knife neck? They both look scrawny and shapeless to me.

I will say, one thing I absolutely love about Victor is his big ol' muscley neck. Not thin, but not too cresty, and very curvy and solid. Thoroughbreds are notorious for having knife necks. I think we owe a big thanks to the racing industry for that one. Them and their careless breeding.

I can't stand it when a horse doesn't have a nice substantial neck. Horses I buy must have a nice neck and a nice ass. Those are my biggest peeves.

Does this not look a bit ridiculous? This big, massively muscled QH with that little bitty neck?

How does having no neck affect a horse's performance?

This sad little bay horse has a knife neck. The only difference I see is that he has no muscle whereas the other two have sufficient muscle and still have skinny necks.
Neither are pretty.


Now compare this one. Yes it's an Andalusian and crestiness is what they're famous for, but still. It looks a lot better and in proportion. Baroque horses are usually pretty bulky too, and their necks actually match the rest of their bodies.

I'm not saying horses should be bull necked or too cresty, but pencil/knife necks are a bit ridiculous.

Who cares about conformation when a horse has beyootiful spots???

The "Pintaloosa" has been added to the branches of the International Spotted Horse Registry. There are more and more of these "double spotted" equines coming into view everyday and ISHR has recognized the need for these beautiful equines to have a place where they will be noticed and recognized for their extra beauty and spots! The Pintaloosa pictured is of "EASY TO SPOT" just one of the Pintaloosas registered with ISHR. The owner is Irene Wiederhold of Ft. Myers, Florida.

HA! XD "These beautiful equines"? Don't make me wretch up my Ovaltine. I know the spots are a bit mesmerizing, but they can't hide the faults in these horses. Could you imagine this horse if he was a solid color and had no pretty coat patterns to mask the fugliness? Ouch. There's nothing pretty about this horse, and certainly nothing worth replicating.

You are absolutely bat-fucking crazy if you think this horse is stallion material. Jesus tap dancing Christ.

In my futile search for decent quality pintaloosas, walkaloosas, and other "new breeds", I cam across this wall of fugly. Be warned, there are some hideous horses in that link.

I'm not even going to go into the problems this "hunter-type" critter has. Suffice it to say that he has utterly disgusting conformation. Poor guy.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't even ride a horse that is as badly put together as this guy. Not just because it would mostly likely be incredibly uncomfortable. Major fuglies look fragile to me. I don't know why. I'm just scared that he'd fall apart or something the second I swung my leg over him. Maybe I'm weird.

I don't know where these people get the idea that he'd make a good hunter. He'd probably fall on his face and break his neck the first time he went over a vertical.

These photos pretty much speak for themselves. I can honestly say that these are some of the worst quality horses I've seen in a long time. And probably the most I've seen on one website.
Most of these horses are mixed breeds, some don't even have know parantage. Almost all of them look wormy.

It cracks me up how they're described as "lovely" or "stunning" or "great show prospect". On what planet are these horses worth a bucket of spit? These people must be blind. I think we should strap them into a chair in a slaughterhouse, tape their eyes open and make them watch all day. I can guarantee you that there are horses being killed right this instant that are ten times better than the critters that are being mass- produced here.

Why settle for normal gear when you can have sooper speshul Parelli tack?!

I could not believe my eyes when I was looking up the Parelli merchandise. Not that I would ever buy anything from them anyway because I think they're all a bunch of loonies, but this was insane.

$92 for a 22 foot lead rope. $40 for a rope halter that you could buy for ten bucks at Farm & Fleet.

And y'know that plastic orange stick that NH people can't go without? $62.67!!! For a damn carrot stick! Unbelievable. And there are actually people who fork over the cash for these things. Why on earth would you want to pay these outrageous prices? Because Pat and Linda said so, of course!

But that's not all, folks. Their saddles start at - are you ready? $4,000! Like we all have four grand to blow off on a Parelli saddle, right?

This particular saddle sells for over $7,000. Yep. Who the fuck has money for that? The saddle's more expensive than my horse!

What about this chunk of leather is so special that makes it worth $7,000? I've seen prettier saddles go for half that price.

Linda's stirrup irons are going for $239, by the way. When you can get brand new ones at any tack store for 20 bucks. Absolutely insane.


Now let's have a look at this chart that supposedly shows what conventional (aka anything not sold by Parelli) saddles do to your horse.

There is no way in hell that any saddle will give a horse a downhill build or a "prolapsed belly".

The saddle has nothing to do with the horse's muscle tone. That's all reflected by the rider. Unless the saddle is so badly fitted that the horse can't do anything. Any poorly fitted saddle will hurt a horse. A well fitted saddle will not.

No saddle is going to cause a horse to have a bad topline. It's not the saddle, it's the rider.

And a "rotated shoulder"? WTF is that? A straight shoulder? All the faults stated in this chart are not the result of a saddle, but of naturally poor conformation. They're basically saying that buying a Parelli saddle will make your fugly into a gorgeous, well- conformed horse. Please, don't fall victim to the Parelli Propaganda. It's the biggest load of shit I've ever heard.

I find it amusing when Parelli people accuse non-Parelli people of being narrow-minded. I tried Parelli once and got nowhere. Victor didn't like it. He stared at me like I was crazy. So I stopped and I'm never going back to it. He also had no balance or muscle tone when I got him, which had a lot to do with the fact that he was with a Parelli worshiper before. I've notice more than a few Parelli horses who have no muscle. That running-around-in-circles thing doesn't do a damn thing for them. Since lunging is so horrible and it's taboo to NH people.

I will never understand the appeal.

Parenting FAIL.

Warning: Tiny little kid on a ginormous horse.

I wouldn't have a problem with this at all if the kid had boots and a helmet, they were in an enclosed area with no loose horses, the Belgian had a halter and lead rope on, and the kid had at least one adult holding on to him.

But nooo. The horse is loose out in the pasture with no one holding on to him, and the kid is sitting there bareback with no helmet or boots. Plus the loose horses, particularly the foal and what looks like a yearling. It only takes once for a seemingly dead broke horse to spook and end up mangling somebody. I don't care how quiet he is, and I understand that he is a draft. He looks like a real sweetheart, but he's still a 1900 pound prey animal with big, sharp hoofies the size of hub caps. He may be as close to bombproof as horses come, but I guarantee you that all the other horses there are not. If one spooks, they all spook, including the one that your kid is sitting on.

Do they think that horse is just a big puppy? These people need a reality check. That animal is the equivalent of a frieght train with a mind of its own and is more than capable of killing a human, especially a child with no safety gear. Sure, 99 out of 100 times, nothing happens. But it is possible, and it does happen. What are you planning to do when your luck runs out? There's sure as hell nothing you can do if and when that horse spooks while your kid is on him. And that's a long way for anyone to fall. Then you have those feet to worry about.

Lord have mercy.

There's something wrong here.

Yes, that's Rachel Alexandra.

Why is she lip chained? Who knows!

What does it say about her trainer when it takes 2 men to lead a lip chained filly? The thing that baffles me is that Rachel doesn't look spooky or out of control in this picture at all. She's just walking like any normal horse. I think her lolling tongue says it all.

So is the chain really necessary? I think not. Is it just for show, because I highly doubt that she enjoys having her gums ripped up to her eyeballs. I'm sure she's very comfortable. They must be proud.

My farrier makes fun of Vic because he's a Thoroughbred. Well, my farrier is a bull rider and seems to only approve of roping bred stock horses. He was telling me how he shoes racehorses (two year olds that don't know anything) and that they have to sedate a lot of them before he can even go near their feet. He thinks SB's and TB's are just batshit crazy because of that.

But think about how those horses are treated. They have little if any turn out time, they're run down to nothing, they're in their stalls if they're not on the track, and they're doped up with God knows what. Plus most of them are no older than 3.

They train those horses to race, and that's it. They don't train them to stand for the farrier or anything else. Race horses can run fast and turn left, and that's about it. They're treated like machines, not actual living animals. So I don't blame them for being loony. They're also bred purely for speed, and they don't give a shit what they look like as long as they're fast. Can anyone really blame that on the horses? Furthermore, a lot of OT horses go on to have successful second careers. You just have to put them out to pasture for a while so they can learn how to be a horse and get their brains back in their heads.

Anyway, if the dickweed trainers would actually take the time to teach these horses to lead nicely (and without a stud chain), that would make a big difference. And train them to stand still while they're being shod while they're at it.

Where is the horse industry going?

It scares me, how low the standards have become for just about everything in regards to horses. Especially riding. I'm tired of seeing twelve year olds who have been riding for six months start jumping 2 foot verticals (and being allowed and even encouraged to do so by their instructors). It never ends. Riders with no seat, flopping legs, and never do so much as a low crest release while going over fences and think there's nothing wrong with that. Riders with little or no lesson time with a good instructor- particularly the haughty ones with huge egos. In today's world, as long as you get over the jump or around the barrel or even just stay on, it's considered "great riding".

I've talked to many people like this. And one thing I've learned is that you can't tell them anything. They're so set in their ways that they don't want to hear what others have to say, and they hate criticism, even from more experienced horse people. Cynthia is a perfect example (see other blog). Lorena has tried to give her advice, and she just blows her off every single time. It's like talking to a brick wall.

I talked to one girl recently who never released when she jumped. Her basic response was, "If I was doing something wrong, don't you think my horse just wouldn't jump?"

To me, she was basically saying, "Why should I try to jump correctly when my horse jumps just fine already?" All I have to say is she's damn lucky she has such a well schooled horse, otherwise he wouldn't put up with her. Honey, your horse is still jumping in spite of you because he's too well trained and patient to flat out refuse.

The philosophy seems to be this: Why learn to ride when you can just buy a dead broke lesson horse that will jump anything and go anywhere no matter what the rider is like? Why put more effort into it than you need to to get by?

What kind of mentality is that?

It's disgusting how low the standards of riding have become. The sad truth is, you can buy your way to the top in this sport. You don't necessarily have to be an exceptionally talented rider.

Another thing is the trainers and instructors that are happy to take your money and tell you to sit up and kick, and that you look great. This is what creates more mediocre riders. The more poor instructors I meet, the more I love my trainer. She's more in-depth than any other instructor I've had, and she accepts nothing less than 100% from me and my horse in every single lesson. If she sees that I'm doing something wrong, she's brutally honest about it. She's not afraid to tell me that I'm not a strong enough rider yet and that I need a lot of improvement. Every instructor should be like that, but unfortunately, most of them are not.

If you go on youtube, you can find endless videos of riders that are doing way more advanced things than what they're ready for, and they think they're great riders because of that. But the reality is, it's not what you're doing, it's how well you do it. I don't care if you can jump a 4 foot oxer if you can't do it correctly.

The philosophy should be: Why settle for "decent" when you can be an excellent rider?

It really worries me when I see so many people in the wrong mindset.

How do you know if you're a dickweed in the horse world?

I've compiled a list of criteria that one could relate to in order to be classified as a Class A Dickweed of the horse world.

Definition:

dick.weed [dik-weed] n. 1. An utterly senseless, foolish or stupid person 2. A person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below twelve years old and an intelligence quotient under 25. 3. An insufferable moron who does nothing to contribute to equine society and only leaches on the rest of us.

1) If you have ever ridden a horse that's under three years of age, you may be a dickweed.

2) If you have ever cranked a horse's head back so that his chin touches his chest and he's wheezing like a moose with pneumonia, you may be a dickweed.

3) If you have ever used a bit like this:
You may be a dickweed.

4) If you have ever tied a horse with the reins and/or tethered a horse to a t-post or other obscene object not intended for horses, you may be a dickweed.

5) If you think pretty spots or a long mane and tail make a horse breeding quality by default, you may be a dickweed.

6) If your horses are contained in a chain-link fence, you may be a dickweed.

7) If you can't recognize when a horse has major conformational faults, you may be a dickweed.

8) If you breed mustangs, you may be a dickweed.

9) If you have ever named a horse "Penelope", "Butchie", "Doug", "Taco", or "Peggy Sue", you may be a dickweed.

10) If you have never sold a horse you bred for over $500, you may be a dickweed.

11) If you have ever advertised a stud on craigslist, you may be a dickweed.

12) If you have ever bought a horse because "junior wanted one", you may be a dickweed.

13) If you have ever spelled "gelding" as "gilding", "mare" as "mar", or "breeding" as "breading" or "bredding", you may be a dickweed.

14) If you have ever ridden in booty shorts and/or flip flops, you may be a dickweed.

15) If you have ever used your kids as marketing tools to sell your "calm, gentle, kitten-like" stud colt, you may be a dickweed.

16) If you have ever allowed children under your responsibility to use a horse as a jungle gym, you may be a dickweed.

17) If you have ever hopped on a miniature horse because you think it's "cute" or "funny", you may be a dickweed.

18) If you ride a horse who's girth is smaller than the circumference of your waist, you may be a dickweed.

19) If you think the term "pony" reffers to a baby horse, you may be a dickweed.

20) If you can't tell the difference between a foal and a Shetland pony, you may be a dickweed.

21) If you have ever been around or ridden a horse while drunk, you may be a dickweed.

22) If you think the term "stallion" reffers to a breed of horse, you may be a dickweed.

23) If you breed your walkaloosarabian mare to your neighbor's grade stud, you may be a dickweed.

24) If you breed any horse because you think it would be a good experience for the kids, you want to witness the "miracle of life", or because you think you can create a sooper speshul new breed, you may be a dickweed.

25) If you breed exclusively for perty colors, you may be a dickweed.

26) If you buy your twelve year old kid a three year old colt so he/she can "beak him out him/her self", you may be a dickweed.

28) If you put bits, blankets, boots, or any other tack on backwards or use them for anything other than their intended purpose, you may be a dickweed.

29) If you think launching over fences and running barrels without ever taking lessons is a good thing or somehow earns you bragging rights, you may be a dickweed.

30) If you hang miscellanious objects (i.e., lawn furniture, lariats, children) on your horse as a method of desensitization or to show potential buyers how "quiet" the horse is, you may be a dickweed.

31) If you have ever hopped on a horse just to show off to your boy/girlfriend that you rode a "big scary horsey", you may be a dickweed.

32) If you have ever used the phrases "you'd never know he was a stud" or "he's a stallion but doesn't act like it" in a sale or stud ad, you may be a dickweed.

33) If you are not a farrier and you have tried to trim a horse's hooves yourself, you may be a dickweed.

34) If you have ever trotted/cantered/galloped a horse on asphalt, concrete, or gravel, you may be a dickweed.

35) If you blame your horse every time you fall off or the horse bucks, rears, shies, etc., you may be a dickweed.

If you can relate to any of these, you could probably be a major dickweed. If this is the case, you need to get out of the horse business and seek alternative occupations.