How do you know if you're a dickweed in the horse world?

I've compiled a list of criteria that one could relate to in order to be classified as a Class A Dickweed of the horse world.

Definition:

dick.weed [dik-weed] n. 1. An utterly senseless, foolish or stupid person 2. A person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below twelve years old and an intelligence quotient under 25. 3. An insufferable moron who does nothing to contribute to equine society and only leaches on the rest of us.

1) If you have ever ridden a horse that's under three years of age, you may be a dickweed.

2) If you have ever cranked a horse's head back so that his chin touches his chest and he's wheezing like a moose with pneumonia, you may be a dickweed.

3) If you have ever used a bit like this:
You may be a dickweed.

4) If you have ever tied a horse with the reins and/or tethered a horse to a t-post or other obscene object not intended for horses, you may be a dickweed.

5) If you think pretty spots or a long mane and tail make a horse breeding quality by default, you may be a dickweed.

6) If your horses are contained in a chain-link fence, you may be a dickweed.

7) If you can't recognize when a horse has major conformational faults, you may be a dickweed.

8) If you breed mustangs, you may be a dickweed.

9) If you have ever named a horse "Penelope", "Butchie", "Doug", "Taco", or "Peggy Sue", you may be a dickweed.

10) If you have never sold a horse you bred for over $500, you may be a dickweed.

11) If you have ever advertised a stud on craigslist, you may be a dickweed.

12) If you have ever bought a horse because "junior wanted one", you may be a dickweed.

13) If you have ever spelled "gelding" as "gilding", "mare" as "mar", or "breeding" as "breading" or "bredding", you may be a dickweed.

14) If you have ever ridden in booty shorts and/or flip flops, you may be a dickweed.

15) If you have ever used your kids as marketing tools to sell your "calm, gentle, kitten-like" stud colt, you may be a dickweed.

16) If you have ever allowed children under your responsibility to use a horse as a jungle gym, you may be a dickweed.

17) If you have ever hopped on a miniature horse because you think it's "cute" or "funny", you may be a dickweed.

18) If you ride a horse who's girth is smaller than the circumference of your waist, you may be a dickweed.

19) If you think the term "pony" reffers to a baby horse, you may be a dickweed.

20) If you can't tell the difference between a foal and a Shetland pony, you may be a dickweed.

21) If you have ever been around or ridden a horse while drunk, you may be a dickweed.

22) If you think the term "stallion" reffers to a breed of horse, you may be a dickweed.

23) If you breed your walkaloosarabian mare to your neighbor's grade stud, you may be a dickweed.

24) If you breed any horse because you think it would be a good experience for the kids, you want to witness the "miracle of life", or because you think you can create a sooper speshul new breed, you may be a dickweed.

25) If you breed exclusively for perty colors, you may be a dickweed.

26) If you buy your twelve year old kid a three year old colt so he/she can "beak him out him/her self", you may be a dickweed.

28) If you put bits, blankets, boots, or any other tack on backwards or use them for anything other than their intended purpose, you may be a dickweed.

29) If you think launching over fences and running barrels without ever taking lessons is a good thing or somehow earns you bragging rights, you may be a dickweed.

30) If you hang miscellanious objects (i.e., lawn furniture, lariats, children) on your horse as a method of desensitization or to show potential buyers how "quiet" the horse is, you may be a dickweed.

31) If you have ever hopped on a horse just to show off to your boy/girlfriend that you rode a "big scary horsey", you may be a dickweed.

32) If you have ever used the phrases "you'd never know he was a stud" or "he's a stallion but doesn't act like it" in a sale or stud ad, you may be a dickweed.

33) If you are not a farrier and you have tried to trim a horse's hooves yourself, you may be a dickweed.

34) If you have ever trotted/cantered/galloped a horse on asphalt, concrete, or gravel, you may be a dickweed.

35) If you blame your horse every time you fall off or the horse bucks, rears, shies, etc., you may be a dickweed.

If you can relate to any of these, you could probably be a major dickweed. If this is the case, you need to get out of the horse business and seek alternative occupations.