Yet another annoying sale ad.

HORSE NAME: CREAM BLAZE BREED: QUARTER HORSE (REG) COLOR: PALOMINO GENDER: GELDING THIS HORSE IS A BEAUTIFULL LIGHT COLORED PALOMINO,HE IS AN ATHLETE BUIL FOR SPEED,WOULD MAKE AN EXCELLENT BARREL PROSPECT OR ROPE HORSE.HE TURN AND STOP GREAT ,HE HAS DASH FOR CASH AND EASY JET ON HIS PAPER.HE ALSO GREAT ON TRAILS HE HAS PAST OUR TEST NOT FOR A BEGINNER RIDER,NEED SOMEONE WITH SOME EXPERIENCE. HE IS NOT A BAD HORSE JUST VERY QUICK. ASKING PRICE: $1800

As if they think no one can read the details they filled out on Equinehits. And the caps lock. And the bear-like man sitting on the horse like a rank beginner. I hope that's not his usual riding position. Their website is... well, obnoxious.


Nothing like showing off a sales horse by standing up on his back while he's in the pasture with at least one other loose horse. All I think about when I look at pictures like this is how much of a moron the seller is. Not how patient or quiet the horse is.

You know how people like that try to tell you that vaulters do the same thing and nobody bashes them for standing on horses' backs? That's a bunch of bullpoop because there are several differences between vaulters and backyard nincompoops who think it's kewl to stand on horse's backs.

Number one, vaulting horses are massive. Usually some kind of draft or draft cross.

Two, they have a vaulting pad to cushion their backs.

And three, vaulters are stick-skinny. They're light as a feather compared to the above individual who looks suspiciously like a steroid-loving beefhead. That and the fact that said beefhead is being an ass and standing right on the poor horse's kidneys. These guys would be classified as dickweeds. Definitely.

New blog!

Yep. I've finally made the What Not To Wear Blog that I've been wanting to do for a long time.

Check it out if you have time. I think you guys will like it (or at least have a good laugh. Either way, as long as you're amused). I'm in the process of making a banner.

Silly hunters, shows are for good riders!

As you know, I ride huntseat and soon to be hunter/jumper. And I'm really starting to question whether or not I want to be involved in this discipline, simply because of the majority of the people involved in it. Especially in the schooling shows. It's all just bratty little whiners who have mommy and daddy to buy them $50,000 ponies when they can't even ride.

I was at a hunter show a few years back and my mom got talking to a horse show dad. He was telling her how his daughter just upgraded from her pony and her new horse was imported from Belgium. O_o Cha-ching. $$$

This photograph was taken at a very prestigious show barn in my area, and I am appalled. Someone has a major ducking problem.

Notice the rider laying across the horse's neck and her ass sticking out in the air. And she's looking down as if to say, "What a lovely fence. Looks like cedar, doesn't it, Breezie?"

Now, a lot of the photos are actually very impressive. But the ones that aren't are just as glorified as the good ones. The picture above is what people today consider "great riding". Even in equitation classes.

Click for larger view. It's enough to make your eyeballs bleed. The caption for this one is, "OMG this new mane conditioner smells sooo perdy!"

Y'know, I'd be willing to bet money that 90% of these riders have ridden nothing but schoolmasters their entire lives. If you put them up on a less-than-perfectly-schooled horse, they would not know what to do. That's why they get away with their scary equitation. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not that great of a rider, and I would scarcely even qualify as a "decent" or "pretty" rider for that matter. But you will never see me flopping through courses or doing anything else that's above my level and I would certainly never go to shows looking like that. And I don't have a good ole' schooling horse to take lessons on. I'm stuck with my knuckleheaded (but lovable) lunatic who thinks trot poles bite. I'm sure most of you can relate at least a little bit.

This is a direct shout out to all the hunters in the world:

STOP LOOKING DOWN AT THE FENCE YOU'RE GOING OVER. STOPIT STOPIT STOPIT. KTHANXBAI.

And on a side note, if you can pull off an automatic release, good for you. But you do not have to reach for the horse's elbows. You will look like a moron (i.e., the ass sticking out again). Mkay? So don't exaggerate it.

I know not all hunters ride like this, but enough of them do to make the rest of us look bad.

This one's the same horse and rider. So you know the last one wasn't just a bad moment. Gorgeous horse, but don't you just wanna crack the rider over the head with a two-by-four? I'm going to have an aneurysm one of these days from looking at all these riders.

What is with the ducking and looking down. Seriously. How are you going to plan the next fence? For those of you who ride English (and probably western, too), I bet your instructors are constantly shouting, "EYES UP! Where's the next jump?!" Eyes are extremely important. And I'm sure many of your instructors would be dragging you off the horse by your shirt collars if they caught you staring down at every fence you jumped. The thing is, it's really not that hard to fix. It's a bad habit, not something more complex like having something wrong with your seat. You just keep reminding yourself to keep your eyes up, and eventually it'll be second nature. But you have to keep your eyes up or your seat won't do any good because the horse won't know where to go. It's like a domino effect.

I also think people are confused about what makes someone a good rider. The truth is (and I've said it before), it's not what you do, it's how well you do it. A person that can clear a 12' cross rail with perfect form is a better rider than someone who can launch over a 5" oxer with chicken wings and a floppy seat.

Hear that, hunters? No matter what you jump, you are only impressive if you do it right. If you don't, you look like a total dickweed. That means you need to be solid in one level before moving on to more advanced things.

That goes out to parents and instructors, too. Do not put a kid on a horse that he or she can't control, and do NOT make that kid do things that are way above their skill level. Take it slow. Make sure you do it right. OK? OK.

Folks, we have a new winner.

I thought TWH bits were as nasty as they come. But I think this monstrosity takes the cake. Click for a larger view.

What. The fuck. Is that. Look at the mouthpiece on that motherfucker.

This thing makes it a cinch to slice your horse's mouth to ribbons. It's called a Large Screw Offset D-Ring Snaffle.

Anyone who would use this on a horse needs to have this bit shoved into their mouth while someone yanks and saws away on the reins.

It looks a lot like something Cleve Wells would invent.


This one isn't much better. A bike chain mouthpiece on a gag. Again, you could shred your horse's mouth with one pinkie finger.

It's called a Showman Stainless Steel Wonder Bit.

Yeah, I bet it keeps a horse's face cranked in whether they want to or not. Awesome.

I cannot even imagine how fucked up you'd have to be to use one of these. It's probably people with the mentality of Big Lick Dickheads who don't give two shits about the well being of their horses. People are unbelievable.

More on the performance TWH industry.

I'd like to say a huge thanks to MissMellyMel for giving me a link to a very interesting article regarding the big lick industry.

http://www.hphoofcare.com/lick.html

Very interesting. And profoundly disturbing. I'm officially boycotting the words "discipline" and "sport" in instances in which they are used in the same sentence as "big lick" or "performance Tennessee Walking Horses". Instead, I will be replacing those words with "activity".

The lengths people will go to in order to achieve a despicably horrendous and unnatural gait. I'm sure most of us are aware of the cruelty involved with the big lick practice, but seeing it in writing really makes it sink in.

Big lick people have actually issued death threats to advocates of sound horses. Some have even had their barns burned down (with horses inside???). Just to give you an insight on what big lick people are generally like. Don't they sound like a jolly bunch? Just the kind of people every equestrian aspires to be like.

If they would issue death threats to people who stand up for sound, healthy horses, can you imagine what they must do to their own horses? What are you so afraid of, big lick people? What do you have to hide? Why so defensive? You guys must know you're doing something wrong, or else you wouldn't be going to so much trouble trying to sweep your dirty little secrets under the rug.

As we all know, soring is only a small tidbit of the rest of the picture. Stacks, chains, 10" shanks, tail sets, blinders, training shackles, stewarding, the list goes on. These cretins put an unbelievable amount of effort into making their horses miserable. Human beings (women in particular) are willing to torture themselves for the sake of beauty, but apparently that isn't enough for some people. They have to force their foolishness onto voiceless animals that have no choice in the matter and have to bare their agony in silence. If those horses could talk, what would they say about their owners? Nothing nice, I'm sure.

If there was nothing wrong with the TWH industry, this controversy wouldn't exist. I think big lick people are so set in their ways because a lot of them honestly (or at least outwardly) believe there's nothing wrong with what they're doing. Why? Because they come from long lines of big lick people. It's been hard wired into their brains that either 1) all the fancy artificial gadgets don't hurt the horse at all or 2) it's completely ethical to cause your horse discomfort in order to win. Children are being taught how to sore horses. Young riders are discouraged or even reprimanded for asking too many questions concerning big lick horses. Just goes to show what a sneaky and slimy industry it is.

It's no wonder 99% of the rest of the equestrian world has zero respect for this activity. Not only is it completely devoid of any taste, talent, or artistry, but abuse is so rampant that the government has to step in! That fact, if nothing else, should slap people in the face and make them open their eyes.

Another point I'm sure we can all agree on is that the consequences for soring or other abusive practices are way too lenient. Anyone found soring a horse should have all their horses taken away and be banned from owning ANY animal ever again. See it Through My Eyes is a really good video. It reignites your resentment for this activity every time you watch it. At about 5:10, that footage almost kills me. Can you imagine that horse's agony as he stumbles under the pain of first or second degree burns on his legs, coupled with the weight of a rider and chains around his ankles that only aggravate it more? If that pain was inflicted on a human being, they'd be on the ground, writhing and screaming. But the horses are too saintly to offer an iota of protest.

Wrapping up, if you guys get the chance, visit these links. They have a lot of info on the gaited industries and they're just plain awesome.

Friends of Sound Horses

Sound Horse Conference

Stop Soring

Tell me something, big lick people.

Most of you claim that big lick riding isn't uncomfortable or unnatural for the horse at all.

If that's true, why on God's green earth would you need bits like these?


You would have to be the biggest piece of shit in the world to put something like that in a horse's mouth. Most of these are advertised as training bits. What a way to introduce a young horse to riding, right? God forbid that anybody start a horse in a snaffle.

I don't know what's worse: The pads and chains, or the scary-ass bits that resemble medieval torture devices. And FYI, comparing pads to high heel shoes only proves my point because ladies, you know that heels are murder on your feet/knees/back after about an hour. I can only imagine how they feel to horses that wear them all throughout their show career. I've never once seen a big lick horse that looked happy or comfortable.

Big lick people also seem to believe in riding and competing on two year olds. Let me clarify that for you. Not sitting on, not going for a walk around the arena on, but seriously riding two year olds as if they're already professional athletes. The notion that Walkers (or any other horses) are full grown at two is nothing short of outrageous and as far from the truth as you can get. No horse on earth, regardless of breed, has ever been fully mature before the age of five and a half, give or take six months. Some horses are engineered or bred to appear full grown on the outside, but the inside is still just like every other horse in the world. So just because a horse's "knees are closed" does not mean it's OK to start riding them. There are growth plates on every bone behind the skull, and they aren't done fusing until at least five years of age. The bones in the spine and base of the neck are the last to mature. And you know how big lick horses always have their heads cranked back and their cheeks ripped up to their ears? Bet that feels real good on a baby horse's growing bones.

This video says coming two year old. I'm afraid that means they've been riding him since he was a yearling. That would be extremely disturbing. The fact that the whole thing looks disgusting and unnatural and the rider is slumped over like a sack of feed is beside the point.

I used to think there was no such thing as an ugly show horse. But big lick people have managed to turn beautiful animals into hideous critters that don't even look equine. What's up with that canter? Even a Western Pleasure horse would be marked down for having a four-beat lope. Why is it acceptable in the TWH ring? And did you see her pulling on her horse's mouth with that ginormous shank? Just looking at it makes you want to bang your head into a wall. I will never ever ever change my outlook on this discipline. It's just sick.

Animal Planet's Untamed & Uncut: Morons On National Television.

I have a love-hate relationship with this show. Sometimes there are freak accidents, but there are endless videos showing "accidents" that were caused by human stupidity and could have easily been avoided.

This video in particular pisses me off to no end. Most of you have probably seen it. There's just nothing right with any part of it, other than the fact that the dickweed rider got what was coming to her.

Woman Crushed By Horse.

That was completely, one-hundred percent her fault. Number one: she neglected to keep her horse's teeth floated. Those sharp edges wouldn't have been there in the first place if her teeth were floated. That whole thing would have never happened if she'd taken proper care of her poor mare. Number two: she KNEW beforehand that her horse wasn't acting right. That should have been a huge red flag. But instead, she ignored her horse's warning and overlooked her welfare for the sake of a fancy belt buckle. There's a saying that I absolutely love: a good rider can hear his horse speak, a great rider can hear his horse whisper, but a bad rider won't hear his horse even if it screams at him. And it couldn't be more true.

The narrator cracks me up. "Barrel horses are specifically trained not to spook. So what scared Bee-Bee?"

The horse wasn't scared, you dolt. She was pissed and in pain. She never spooked.

And finally, there's the fact that Miss Natalie was hauling back on the reins like a banshee once Bee-Bee really started tossing her head. That is one of the last things you want to do in a situation like that. It would have been obvious to an educated horse person that the horse's mouth was hurting. So what does Natalie do? She goes a-yankin' away, trying to stop her horse from going crazy. Does that seem counterproductive to anyone else? I would have flipped over too, if I was Bee-Bee! No freaking wonder. Thank God the horse wasn't seriously injured.

You now what, Natalie? Whatever pain you caused your horse, I hope she paid it back tenfold. It was your fault and it could have been avoided if you weren't such a moron.

I love how he says, "she's now a calm and happy trail horse," right when it shows her tossing her head and chewing at the bit. That's calm and happy? In what universe? And it's no wonder. Did you see that leverage bit and the short reins?

One last thing. At the end, Natalie says, "Horses are animals, and animals do things sometimes that you just don't expect."

After all that, she doesn't learn a thing. That fiasco should have been a major learning experience. She honestly didn't expect anything to go wrong when she knew there was something wrong with her horse? She shouldn't have been surprised at all. She deserved every one of those 400 stitches, and she doesn't seem to realize it. HELL-O! Stupidity at it's finest. Way to go, Natalie. You made an ass of yourself on national television.

Moving on. This one I find just plain hysterical. This guy could be a Darwin Award candidate.

Crocodile Death Roll.

The part I don't understand? Everybody is shocked. No one can figure out why the croc clamped down on the dude's arm (you'll know if you've seen the rest of the show). Hey dude, I'm no genius, but I can tell you that the croc bit you because you stuck your arm in his mouth.

You could see the croc was sitting there with his mouth wide open thinking, "I'm just waiting for this shnuck to do something stupid..." Sure enough, WHAM. He gets nailed and almost gets his arm torqued off. Well, I'll be damned.

Serves you right, you idiot.

OK, one more just for giggles.

Shark Bites Diver.

I have one thing to say: What the fuck were you thinking? A three year old could have told you that kissing a shark is a bad idea. You are just stuck on stupid, aren't you?

*headdesk*headdesk*headdesk*