If I wanted a horse with a skinny neck I would have gotten an Arab x Akhal Teke cross.

I understand that in many disciplines such as Western Pleasure, pencil necks are desirable. Why?

It looks disproportionate, unbalanced, and ugly, particularly on bulldog-like quarter horses. Stock breeds are generally muscle on top of muscle. Just massive. And then they have a skinny little neck. I don't see the appeal.

Where do you draw the line between a pencil neck and a knife neck? They both look scrawny and shapeless to me.

I will say, one thing I absolutely love about Victor is his big ol' muscley neck. Not thin, but not too cresty, and very curvy and solid. Thoroughbreds are notorious for having knife necks. I think we owe a big thanks to the racing industry for that one. Them and their careless breeding.

I can't stand it when a horse doesn't have a nice substantial neck. Horses I buy must have a nice neck and a nice ass. Those are my biggest peeves.

Does this not look a bit ridiculous? This big, massively muscled QH with that little bitty neck?

How does having no neck affect a horse's performance?

This sad little bay horse has a knife neck. The only difference I see is that he has no muscle whereas the other two have sufficient muscle and still have skinny necks.
Neither are pretty.


Now compare this one. Yes it's an Andalusian and crestiness is what they're famous for, but still. It looks a lot better and in proportion. Baroque horses are usually pretty bulky too, and their necks actually match the rest of their bodies.

I'm not saying horses should be bull necked or too cresty, but pencil/knife necks are a bit ridiculous.

Who cares about conformation when a horse has beyootiful spots???

The "Pintaloosa" has been added to the branches of the International Spotted Horse Registry. There are more and more of these "double spotted" equines coming into view everyday and ISHR has recognized the need for these beautiful equines to have a place where they will be noticed and recognized for their extra beauty and spots! The Pintaloosa pictured is of "EASY TO SPOT" just one of the Pintaloosas registered with ISHR. The owner is Irene Wiederhold of Ft. Myers, Florida.

HA! XD "These beautiful equines"? Don't make me wretch up my Ovaltine. I know the spots are a bit mesmerizing, but they can't hide the faults in these horses. Could you imagine this horse if he was a solid color and had no pretty coat patterns to mask the fugliness? Ouch. There's nothing pretty about this horse, and certainly nothing worth replicating.

You are absolutely bat-fucking crazy if you think this horse is stallion material. Jesus tap dancing Christ.

In my futile search for decent quality pintaloosas, walkaloosas, and other "new breeds", I cam across this wall of fugly. Be warned, there are some hideous horses in that link.

I'm not even going to go into the problems this "hunter-type" critter has. Suffice it to say that he has utterly disgusting conformation. Poor guy.

I don't know about you, but I wouldn't even ride a horse that is as badly put together as this guy. Not just because it would mostly likely be incredibly uncomfortable. Major fuglies look fragile to me. I don't know why. I'm just scared that he'd fall apart or something the second I swung my leg over him. Maybe I'm weird.

I don't know where these people get the idea that he'd make a good hunter. He'd probably fall on his face and break his neck the first time he went over a vertical.

These photos pretty much speak for themselves. I can honestly say that these are some of the worst quality horses I've seen in a long time. And probably the most I've seen on one website.
Most of these horses are mixed breeds, some don't even have know parantage. Almost all of them look wormy.

It cracks me up how they're described as "lovely" or "stunning" or "great show prospect". On what planet are these horses worth a bucket of spit? These people must be blind. I think we should strap them into a chair in a slaughterhouse, tape their eyes open and make them watch all day. I can guarantee you that there are horses being killed right this instant that are ten times better than the critters that are being mass- produced here.

Why settle for normal gear when you can have sooper speshul Parelli tack?!

I could not believe my eyes when I was looking up the Parelli merchandise. Not that I would ever buy anything from them anyway because I think they're all a bunch of loonies, but this was insane.

$92 for a 22 foot lead rope. $40 for a rope halter that you could buy for ten bucks at Farm & Fleet.

And y'know that plastic orange stick that NH people can't go without? $62.67!!! For a damn carrot stick! Unbelievable. And there are actually people who fork over the cash for these things. Why on earth would you want to pay these outrageous prices? Because Pat and Linda said so, of course!

But that's not all, folks. Their saddles start at - are you ready? $4,000! Like we all have four grand to blow off on a Parelli saddle, right?

This particular saddle sells for over $7,000. Yep. Who the fuck has money for that? The saddle's more expensive than my horse!

What about this chunk of leather is so special that makes it worth $7,000? I've seen prettier saddles go for half that price.

Linda's stirrup irons are going for $239, by the way. When you can get brand new ones at any tack store for 20 bucks. Absolutely insane.


Now let's have a look at this chart that supposedly shows what conventional (aka anything not sold by Parelli) saddles do to your horse.

There is no way in hell that any saddle will give a horse a downhill build or a "prolapsed belly".

The saddle has nothing to do with the horse's muscle tone. That's all reflected by the rider. Unless the saddle is so badly fitted that the horse can't do anything. Any poorly fitted saddle will hurt a horse. A well fitted saddle will not.

No saddle is going to cause a horse to have a bad topline. It's not the saddle, it's the rider.

And a "rotated shoulder"? WTF is that? A straight shoulder? All the faults stated in this chart are not the result of a saddle, but of naturally poor conformation. They're basically saying that buying a Parelli saddle will make your fugly into a gorgeous, well- conformed horse. Please, don't fall victim to the Parelli Propaganda. It's the biggest load of shit I've ever heard.

I find it amusing when Parelli people accuse non-Parelli people of being narrow-minded. I tried Parelli once and got nowhere. Victor didn't like it. He stared at me like I was crazy. So I stopped and I'm never going back to it. He also had no balance or muscle tone when I got him, which had a lot to do with the fact that he was with a Parelli worshiper before. I've notice more than a few Parelli horses who have no muscle. That running-around-in-circles thing doesn't do a damn thing for them. Since lunging is so horrible and it's taboo to NH people.

I will never understand the appeal.

Parenting FAIL.

Warning: Tiny little kid on a ginormous horse.

I wouldn't have a problem with this at all if the kid had boots and a helmet, they were in an enclosed area with no loose horses, the Belgian had a halter and lead rope on, and the kid had at least one adult holding on to him.

But nooo. The horse is loose out in the pasture with no one holding on to him, and the kid is sitting there bareback with no helmet or boots. Plus the loose horses, particularly the foal and what looks like a yearling. It only takes once for a seemingly dead broke horse to spook and end up mangling somebody. I don't care how quiet he is, and I understand that he is a draft. He looks like a real sweetheart, but he's still a 1900 pound prey animal with big, sharp hoofies the size of hub caps. He may be as close to bombproof as horses come, but I guarantee you that all the other horses there are not. If one spooks, they all spook, including the one that your kid is sitting on.

Do they think that horse is just a big puppy? These people need a reality check. That animal is the equivalent of a frieght train with a mind of its own and is more than capable of killing a human, especially a child with no safety gear. Sure, 99 out of 100 times, nothing happens. But it is possible, and it does happen. What are you planning to do when your luck runs out? There's sure as hell nothing you can do if and when that horse spooks while your kid is on him. And that's a long way for anyone to fall. Then you have those feet to worry about.

Lord have mercy.

There's something wrong here.

Yes, that's Rachel Alexandra.

Why is she lip chained? Who knows!

What does it say about her trainer when it takes 2 men to lead a lip chained filly? The thing that baffles me is that Rachel doesn't look spooky or out of control in this picture at all. She's just walking like any normal horse. I think her lolling tongue says it all.

So is the chain really necessary? I think not. Is it just for show, because I highly doubt that she enjoys having her gums ripped up to her eyeballs. I'm sure she's very comfortable. They must be proud.

My farrier makes fun of Vic because he's a Thoroughbred. Well, my farrier is a bull rider and seems to only approve of roping bred stock horses. He was telling me how he shoes racehorses (two year olds that don't know anything) and that they have to sedate a lot of them before he can even go near their feet. He thinks SB's and TB's are just batshit crazy because of that.

But think about how those horses are treated. They have little if any turn out time, they're run down to nothing, they're in their stalls if they're not on the track, and they're doped up with God knows what. Plus most of them are no older than 3.

They train those horses to race, and that's it. They don't train them to stand for the farrier or anything else. Race horses can run fast and turn left, and that's about it. They're treated like machines, not actual living animals. So I don't blame them for being loony. They're also bred purely for speed, and they don't give a shit what they look like as long as they're fast. Can anyone really blame that on the horses? Furthermore, a lot of OT horses go on to have successful second careers. You just have to put them out to pasture for a while so they can learn how to be a horse and get their brains back in their heads.

Anyway, if the dickweed trainers would actually take the time to teach these horses to lead nicely (and without a stud chain), that would make a big difference. And train them to stand still while they're being shod while they're at it.

Where is the horse industry going?

It scares me, how low the standards have become for just about everything in regards to horses. Especially riding. I'm tired of seeing twelve year olds who have been riding for six months start jumping 2 foot verticals (and being allowed and even encouraged to do so by their instructors). It never ends. Riders with no seat, flopping legs, and never do so much as a low crest release while going over fences and think there's nothing wrong with that. Riders with little or no lesson time with a good instructor- particularly the haughty ones with huge egos. In today's world, as long as you get over the jump or around the barrel or even just stay on, it's considered "great riding".

I've talked to many people like this. And one thing I've learned is that you can't tell them anything. They're so set in their ways that they don't want to hear what others have to say, and they hate criticism, even from more experienced horse people. Cynthia is a perfect example (see other blog). Lorena has tried to give her advice, and she just blows her off every single time. It's like talking to a brick wall.

I talked to one girl recently who never released when she jumped. Her basic response was, "If I was doing something wrong, don't you think my horse just wouldn't jump?"

To me, she was basically saying, "Why should I try to jump correctly when my horse jumps just fine already?" All I have to say is she's damn lucky she has such a well schooled horse, otherwise he wouldn't put up with her. Honey, your horse is still jumping in spite of you because he's too well trained and patient to flat out refuse.

The philosophy seems to be this: Why learn to ride when you can just buy a dead broke lesson horse that will jump anything and go anywhere no matter what the rider is like? Why put more effort into it than you need to to get by?

What kind of mentality is that?

It's disgusting how low the standards of riding have become. The sad truth is, you can buy your way to the top in this sport. You don't necessarily have to be an exceptionally talented rider.

Another thing is the trainers and instructors that are happy to take your money and tell you to sit up and kick, and that you look great. This is what creates more mediocre riders. The more poor instructors I meet, the more I love my trainer. She's more in-depth than any other instructor I've had, and she accepts nothing less than 100% from me and my horse in every single lesson. If she sees that I'm doing something wrong, she's brutally honest about it. She's not afraid to tell me that I'm not a strong enough rider yet and that I need a lot of improvement. Every instructor should be like that, but unfortunately, most of them are not.

If you go on youtube, you can find endless videos of riders that are doing way more advanced things than what they're ready for, and they think they're great riders because of that. But the reality is, it's not what you're doing, it's how well you do it. I don't care if you can jump a 4 foot oxer if you can't do it correctly.

The philosophy should be: Why settle for "decent" when you can be an excellent rider?

It really worries me when I see so many people in the wrong mindset.

How do you know if you're a dickweed in the horse world?

I've compiled a list of criteria that one could relate to in order to be classified as a Class A Dickweed of the horse world.

Definition:

dick.weed [dik-weed] n. 1. An utterly senseless, foolish or stupid person 2. A person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below twelve years old and an intelligence quotient under 25. 3. An insufferable moron who does nothing to contribute to equine society and only leaches on the rest of us.

1) If you have ever ridden a horse that's under three years of age, you may be a dickweed.

2) If you have ever cranked a horse's head back so that his chin touches his chest and he's wheezing like a moose with pneumonia, you may be a dickweed.

3) If you have ever used a bit like this:
You may be a dickweed.

4) If you have ever tied a horse with the reins and/or tethered a horse to a t-post or other obscene object not intended for horses, you may be a dickweed.

5) If you think pretty spots or a long mane and tail make a horse breeding quality by default, you may be a dickweed.

6) If your horses are contained in a chain-link fence, you may be a dickweed.

7) If you can't recognize when a horse has major conformational faults, you may be a dickweed.

8) If you breed mustangs, you may be a dickweed.

9) If you have ever named a horse "Penelope", "Butchie", "Doug", "Taco", or "Peggy Sue", you may be a dickweed.

10) If you have never sold a horse you bred for over $500, you may be a dickweed.

11) If you have ever advertised a stud on craigslist, you may be a dickweed.

12) If you have ever bought a horse because "junior wanted one", you may be a dickweed.

13) If you have ever spelled "gelding" as "gilding", "mare" as "mar", or "breeding" as "breading" or "bredding", you may be a dickweed.

14) If you have ever ridden in booty shorts and/or flip flops, you may be a dickweed.

15) If you have ever used your kids as marketing tools to sell your "calm, gentle, kitten-like" stud colt, you may be a dickweed.

16) If you have ever allowed children under your responsibility to use a horse as a jungle gym, you may be a dickweed.

17) If you have ever hopped on a miniature horse because you think it's "cute" or "funny", you may be a dickweed.

18) If you ride a horse who's girth is smaller than the circumference of your waist, you may be a dickweed.

19) If you think the term "pony" reffers to a baby horse, you may be a dickweed.

20) If you can't tell the difference between a foal and a Shetland pony, you may be a dickweed.

21) If you have ever been around or ridden a horse while drunk, you may be a dickweed.

22) If you think the term "stallion" reffers to a breed of horse, you may be a dickweed.

23) If you breed your walkaloosarabian mare to your neighbor's grade stud, you may be a dickweed.

24) If you breed any horse because you think it would be a good experience for the kids, you want to witness the "miracle of life", or because you think you can create a sooper speshul new breed, you may be a dickweed.

25) If you breed exclusively for perty colors, you may be a dickweed.

26) If you buy your twelve year old kid a three year old colt so he/she can "beak him out him/her self", you may be a dickweed.

28) If you put bits, blankets, boots, or any other tack on backwards or use them for anything other than their intended purpose, you may be a dickweed.

29) If you think launching over fences and running barrels without ever taking lessons is a good thing or somehow earns you bragging rights, you may be a dickweed.

30) If you hang miscellanious objects (i.e., lawn furniture, lariats, children) on your horse as a method of desensitization or to show potential buyers how "quiet" the horse is, you may be a dickweed.

31) If you have ever hopped on a horse just to show off to your boy/girlfriend that you rode a "big scary horsey", you may be a dickweed.

32) If you have ever used the phrases "you'd never know he was a stud" or "he's a stallion but doesn't act like it" in a sale or stud ad, you may be a dickweed.

33) If you are not a farrier and you have tried to trim a horse's hooves yourself, you may be a dickweed.

34) If you have ever trotted/cantered/galloped a horse on asphalt, concrete, or gravel, you may be a dickweed.

35) If you blame your horse every time you fall off or the horse bucks, rears, shies, etc., you may be a dickweed.

If you can relate to any of these, you could probably be a major dickweed. If this is the case, you need to get out of the horse business and seek alternative occupations.